Do you tend to over react,
lash out at people,
or respond inappropriately?
Do you ever regret it later?
Do you ever wonder what’s really going on when you feel so on edge,
impatient, or like certain people or events are constantly pushing your buttons?!?
I totally get it and I’ve got some good news for you.
Did you know that by simply increasing your awareness and learning new ways to respond, you can have some control of your emotional triggers?
A trigger is an experience that draws us back into the past and causes old feelings and behaviors to arise. These thoughts and beliefs you hold are often formed in childhood but can just as easily come from your life’s experiences (traumatic or not so) or through relationships.
An easy example could be enjoying an ice cream sandwich that reminds you of summer vacations when you were a kid. And gossiping coworkers could bring back memories of the old high school cliques.
Some triggers are situational, sensory, and social. Think of the holiday season for a moment. This time of year causes a lot of stress for some people. This may trigger people to eat or drink more to either comfort themselves or in celebration.
Another example of these kinds of triggers might be if your spouse is tense due to work or your baby doesn’t sleep well and cries often. It’s very likely that these situations can affect and trigger your own negative mood.
Over time, anything can be internalized. Even when you’re surrounded by loved ones, you may be carrying around old conflicts, judgements, or regrets that interfere with your ability to fully experience the present moment.
We all have triggers. And outside of physical addictions, most triggers play out through our thoughts, feelings, memories, and habits.
Awareness
- Keep a journal. Tracking your moods and triggers is often the first step in mastering them. It might be helpful to keep a log of occasions when you experience intense emotions or engage in behavior you want to change. Note what’s going on in your head and in your surroundings at the time.
- Challenge yourself. The key to change is placing yourself in difficult positions and being open to doing something different and more constructive.
Let’s say you’re worried about money and every time your spouse purchases something or your child asks for something you are triggered to feel angry. Explore your anger, rate it’s intensity for you and try to identify the deeper meaning. Perhaps you have lingering debt that you haven’t addressed. Maybe you know you’re underpaid and have avoided looking for a new job. Maybe you feel overlooked and unappreciated at home for all you do for your family.
Once you can identify the deeper thought or belief, you’re on your way to feeling better!
Action
The next step is taking action in such a way that you reduce the intensity of the emotional trigger. Notice I didn’t say eliminate it… while that might be possible, it also might not be – Sorry! Just being real with you!
So, what can you do today to lessen the effect that trigger has on you?
Using the examples above, you could contact creditors to set up a payment plan. If you’re unhappy at your current job then looking for a new one within or outside the company or maybe you want to do what you’ve always dreamed about doing so you research going back to school or a new business venture that you could start as a side hustle. And if you’re feel unappreciated, it might be time to have a conversation with your spouse or to carve some time out for just you to refresh and replenish your personal energy.
Coming up with alternative perspectives and actions can make it easier to handle intense emotions and help us to respond appropriately.
Alternative Actions
1. A mindfulness practice, journaling, prayer or exercise are great ways to care for yourself and inspire self growth.
2. Therapy and coaching can make a big difference in helping you understand and identify the root of your emotions as well as provide support in changing your self talk, modifying your behavior and taking accountability for your actions.
3. Develop a strong support network. Close family and friends are vital to feeling validated and nurtured. When you’re dealing with stubborn issues, it’s good to know you have people who care about you and want to help.
4. Show compassion. The more you know about your own triggers, the more insight you can develop into what the people around you may be struggling with. Strive to be a little more patient and forgiving and people will be more likely to do the same for you.
We all have our own unique emotional triggers. Learning to handle them constructively enables us to fix the issues that get in our way and move ahead to experience all the joy that is available for us.
