As the saying goes, timing is everything.
And timing is a big part of having a good conversation and keeping that spark alive in your relationship!
Unfortunately, we don’t always think about whether it’s a good time or a bad time for a conversation. We’re usually pretty busy, multitasking, distracted by tech, tired from the day, or a combination of all of these.
So when something comes up that we need to discuss with our partners, we generally rush to talk through it so that we can check it off the to-do list.
We may even bring stuff up at inopportune times in order to relieve the stress or worry festering inside us. Or maybe we push for interaction so that we can “head off” problems we foresee happening later.
I know I do it occasionally because I’m afraid if I don’t say something right away, I’ll probably forget!
Ideas, worries, concerns, or logistics can all be addressed and communicated to our partners more effectively when we are more thoughtful with our timing.
Imagine this scenario:
You’ve been at work or at home with the kids all day. You just got home and you start making dinner. Next you have to walk and feed the dog, check homework, get everyone to their activities, etc.
Your loving partner got home before you and has been paying the bills. While doing so, he noticed an increase in the family’s spending recently and decides that you and he need to discuss the budget.
Now, here are two options. Check out these examples and see if you see yourself in either one.
1. Hubby says, “Ya know, I was just doing the bills and we’re spending way too much money these days. What are you buying? You know our budget is $$ a month. What’s going on? I don’t understand because I thought we talked about this already and we we’re planning to save more for retirement.” We want to take that summer vacation but how can we do it? I really don’t want anymore credit card debt. I thought we weren’t going to use that credit card…”
2. Hubby says, ” Hey honey, is there a good time for us, maybe later tonight or over the weekend, so that we can talk and go over the family budget?”
What stands out to you when considering each of these approaches?
How would you feel if your partner approached you as the husband in example #1 as opposed to #2?
How would you respond if your partner approached you as the husband in example #1 as opposed to #2?
Depending on how you feel, you might respond quite differently in each of the examples, right?
Maybe you have enough self-control and awareness to not be upset or overwhelmed by the barrage of questioning in example #1. But wouldn’t you feel way more appreciated and secure if someone was more considerate of timing?
And one last thing! Don’t forget to consider the environment you’re in as well.
Would sharing an activity or working side-by- side while you’re having a discussion allow for more truth and openness?
How about talking in a quiet restaurant, enjoying a glass of wine, a walk in the park or snuggling on the sofa?
How about making it fun and bringing humor into an otherwise serious discussion?
Try to be patient and choose a time and environment that works best for you and your partner. And if you’re unsure, ask your partner and create it together!
You automatically make your relationship a priority when you create a calm, unhurried, and loving situation for both partners to really show up fully for. And this simple shift of your usual patterns can cultivate better communication, greater love, and deeper respect in any relationship.
And you know that spark that you want to keep alive?
Well, it lives right there in your creativity and good timing! It’s also directly related to polarity. More on that next month!
I hope this strategy inspires you to find effective and fun ways to communicate and be a true partner in your love relationship.
Email me and let me know how it goes! I’d love to hear how it’s working for you!
