Let’s face it. If you deal with other humans, you’re going to have misunderstandings, right?
Relationships can be strained by miscommunication and misunderstandings. So, the best way to deal with misunderstandings is to avoid them in the first place.
This is one challenge that’s way easier to prevent than to solve.
Try these strategies to avoid the relationship issues that are often caused by misunderstandings:
1. Think before delivering your message. Many misunderstandings could be avoided by taking a moment to really think about the situation. What is going on? What are you trying to accomplish? What is the other person thinking and feeling? What is their perspective?
2. Writing can be better than speaking when it comes to details. It’s easy for the details of a conversation to be forgotten. Write a note or send an email. This is especially true at work. Leave a paper trail whenever possible.
3. Ask the other person to repeat back what you said. Once you’ve come to an agreement, have the other person demonstrate that they have the same understanding you do. This is a great strategy with kids. And remember, children’s brains don’t fully develop until the age of 25. Even though they look like they get it, make sure you and your child are on the same page when it comes to rules and responsibilities.
4. Listen. Many misunderstandings are your own fault. Sorry! One way to minimize your contribution to the problem is to put your “listening ears” on and concentrate on what’s being communicated to you. Most people are very distracted. Work on your ability to focus on another person.
TAKE ACTION: Practice your listening skills during every conversation you have. After the conversation is complete, evaluate how you did. (Hint: Put the phone down ; )
5. Take a break when emotions are running high. Misunderstandings are more likely to happen during times of heightened emotions. Take a break and have the conversation another time.
(See my previous blog post on conversation timing!)
6. Be specific and follow through. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I’m sure you’ve heard that expression before but it really can be as simple as that. Vagueness leads to misunderstandings and not following through leads to distrust.
Be specific when the details matter. Avoid forcing people to guess what you mean. Being honest and clear is best for everyone.
7. Ask questions. Questions are a great way to ensure you’ve understood what was communicated to you. You can also ask questions to verify you were understood.
“Okay, so you need me to….?”
“Just so we’re clear, it would help you if I….?”
“So, you understand that I need you to pick up the kids at…?
8. Recap. This is similar to asking the other person to repeat the gist of your discussion back to you. In this case, you’re offering up your description of what just happened and what’s going to happen next.
9. Think ahead. Many misunderstandings can be avoided with a little planning. Imagine how the other person is going to interpret what you do or say. Head off any misunderstandings before they happen.
If you put a little effort in up front and take the necessary steps to minimize the likelihood of any confusion, I promise you life will be so much better.
Enjoy better communication this summer. And if you need help, let’s talk!
